rosieknight | Mythbusters: Autobot Security.

Title: Mythbusters: Autobot Security
Author: RosieKnight
Rating: G
Disclaimer: The Mythbusters belong to themselves. The Transformers are Hasbro's.
Series: See note.

Note: This takes place within

l_shades's "Communique"-verse, as well as

drharper's and mine "Tribute"-verse. It follows this snippet.

"Alright, we've been asked to provide security for Spike and Carly's wedding. I want a list of all the possible threats to the wedding, and we'll make plans to deal with each one. Adam?"

"The Autopians."

"The Autobot worshiping loonies?"

"Yup. They're actually a threat in a couple of different ways. One, they can inadvertently disrupt the ceremony by playing those 'worship anthems' they're so fond of. The anthems are the Cybertronian equivalent to nails on a chalkboard, so there'd be a lot of wedding attendees in pain. And, they're likely to make some new anthems in celebration of this 'holy' event."

"So, we should look into some radio jammers or something similar."

"Or just getting them temporarily banned from the Mount St. Hilary region. It'd also prevent the second potential problem."

"Oh?"

"Yup. Some of the Autopians - mostly female members, but some males as well - believe Carly to be a 'Decepticon temptress in human form' sent to 'bring forth ruin upon the Chosen Ones' by various means. I've heard claims ranging from luring him away from the Autobots to raising Spike's child to kill him."

"Adam, how do you know all this?"

"I... acquired some of the worst of the 'worship anthems' for use during our trip to Cybertron and got several lectures on their beliefs by the Autopians."

"Ah. Scary stuff.

"Very scary. I suggest we ban the Autopians from the area for a week or two before the wedding and a day or two after it. I'd also suggest having Red Alert do background checks on all of the people attending - guests, waiters, busboys, florists, and everyone else - and make sure the people who attend match the information gathered. We don't want some nutcase sneaking in by impersonating 'Jane Doe - sane person' or something."

"Ok. Adam, can you pass your suggestions on to Red Alert?"

"Sure, Jamie."

"Next problem."

"Carly's mother."

"Explain please, Kari."

"Carly's mother isn't happy with Carly marrying Spike. She strikes me as the type of person who'd protest during the 'speak now, or forever hold your peace' bit, just to keep Carly from marrying someone who is supposedly her social inferior. From what I've heard about her, it would also fit her style to disrupt the wedding."

"Whoo boy. That's one difficult problem."

"Fortunately, I have some ideas. I suggest seating her by Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Nana Caroline, and maybe James Bond. If those four can't keep her in line, not much will. The back-up plan is to rig a small, remote controlled, tranquilizer dart. We can hide it in the corsage and trigger it if it looks like she's getting ready to protest."

"Ok. I want you to work with Carly and Spike on the seating arrangements. Grant and I will work on the corsage tranquilizer with Ratchet and First Aide."

"My turn! Ok, the Decepticons are still a threat to the gathering. The installation of the chicken gun and the air cannon are proceeding nicely. There's plenty of frozen chicken for the chicken gun, and I'm working with the Twins and Wheeljack to make lots of anti-Seeker paintballs and solid metal cannonballs. I'm also thinking about rigging the mirrors from the Archimedes Death Ray to swivel, so we can temporarily blind our targets. Omega Supreme has agreed to take gestalt duty and I'm still working on ground defenses. It's a lower priority, since most Decepticons fly."

"Talk with Prime and Red Alert about the ground defenses. See what they already have in place and figure out what we can add."

"Don't forget to talk to Hound and Trailbreaker. They know the land around the Ark the best and can suggest places to install our security."

"Right. Thanks guys."

"Grant."

"Unicron."

"Who?"

"Unicron, the devourer of worlds. He's the god or demon of evil, chaos, and darkness in the Cybertronian religion. He's also real."

"......So how are we supposed to fight a god? Don't tell me you have a working Death Star from your time at LucasFilm."

"We're not. I already did the only thing we could do. I invited Primus, Unicron's counterpart, to the wedding. I cleared it with Spike and Carly, first. And, no I don't have a working Death Star. Maybe 'Jack can fix that...."

"No, Grant. Now that we've got our plans laid out, let's get to work!"

End.

Current Mood: accomplished

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drharper.livejournal.com

FYI, the first bit's gotten snipped.

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Mythbusters: Autobot Security.

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